I was too young to work at a strip club, so the country club seemed like my only option.

I think over the course of that evening I was an ER Nurse, a professor, and an astronaut.

She smelled like she’d been laying in a hot garbage can full of cigarette ashes for two years.

“Now, Kari, I know you hate stuff like this, and I didn’t say anything to him, but he really can’t wait to meet you.”

“OH, MY GOSH. Kari! You look way better than I thought you would! When you told me you were not married I didn’t know what may have happened to you!”

I was too overwhelmed by the thought of my body being found in the sewer drain the next day.

In the distance I heard a pack of dogs, growling and barking. I also heard a loud engine and a possible chainsaw. The sound got closer and closer.

I hung up the phone, looked at the dog, looked at Josh, went in the bathroom and threw up. I came back out and announced what we were supposed to do.

Suddenly, my heart skipped a few beats as I heard a knock on the door. All good horror films begin with The Knock.

“Officer, It’s been proven that you cannot throw up with your eyes open. That means I would be driving with my eyes closed.”